WHEN our Lord arrived in Galilee with his disciples, He spoke about some key characteristics of life in the Church. One of these is fraternity. Christians watch over their brothers and sisters as Christ did, striving to bring them all to the Father. Jesus knew very well that we can often put up obstacles, and in our life alongside others we can hurt someone close to us. So our Lord proposes a bold solution. Instead of withdrawing our trust or resolving the issue by avoiding that person, He tells his disciples: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you will have gained your brother” (Mt 18:15).
This evangelical custom involves, after considering it in prayer with God, offering a suggestion for improving a specific aspect in the life of a person close to us. This help gives the security of knowing we are part of a large family, all of whose members are involved in each one’s struggles. It shows that we are important to someone and that we need to be cared for. We are grateful to find someone by our side who not only advises us at important moments but also understands and encourages us in what we may find difficult in our daily lives. Fraternal correction is the opposite of criticism, gossip, or slander. While these involve judgment and condemnation, fraternal help offers a warm embrace that welcomes and encourages us to keep going on the path. Our Lord relies on others to help us, with the assistance of his grace, to be the best possible version of ourselves, with our own unique characteristics. For “God often uses a genuine friendship to carry out his saving work.”[1]
IN THE HISTORY of salvation, we see that God always acts within a people, a community, a family, a group of friends. To view holiness as independent from what others can do for us would be a clear mistake. Hence it is only natural that fraternal correction arises in an environment of friendship. Understanding others is perhaps one of the key steps to being able to help them. It prevents us from getting bogged down in trivial details and instead invites us to connect with the deep longing for holiness that a Christian heart harbors and that should gradually permeate every aspect of a person’s daily life.
Saint Josemaría said that “charity does not consist so much in ‘giving’ as in ‘understanding’.”[2] Hence it enables us to see the virtues and qualities in those around us. By helping a brother or sister, we try to see them as God does and to care for them as a precious gift, valuing the good they possess and their potential to grow in love. Therefore what motivates the practice of fraternal correction is not so much the desire to maintain external order, but rather that the persons close to us become ever happier. This determination to seek their happiness implies the utmost respect for each one’s freedom, because only thus is fraternity lived in a refined and genuine way.
“Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes,” Saint Josemaría suggested. “You will then see the various issues or problems calmly. You will not get annoyed. You will be understanding. You will make allowances and will correct people when and as required. And you will fill the world with charity.”[3] Understanding others does not mean ignoring the harm we may have suffered or how much, in our opinion, the other person could improve; rather, it enables us to realize that we all need affection and, especially, forgiveness, “just as God has forgiven and continues to forgive each one of us.”[4] Thus we learn that the faults we may see in someone do not have the final say in our relationship with them. As the Prelate of Opus Dei wrote, “we can be sure – love sees this, because it is very wise – that the positive points outweigh the negative ones. In any case, what is negative is not a reason for separation, but for prayer and offering help; if possible, for more affection; and, if needed, for fraternal correction.”[5]
JESUS himself practiced fraternal correction. Perhaps the most striking example is the correction He gave to Peter when, after the prediction of Christ’s death and resurrection, the apostle rebuked Him, saying, “God forbid, Lord! This shall never happen to you!” And Christ quickly corrected Peter’s way of thinking: “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are not on the side of God, but of men” (Mt 16:22-23). It is quite surprising to see Jesus use the name “Satan” when addressing the one to whom he had just entrusted the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven.
Peter probably didn’t fully understand what was happening. However, he was certain of one thing: that Christ loved him with all his heart. He was not only the long-awaited Messiah, but also a friend who cared for him, constantly showed him his affection, and was gradually revealing to him the profound mysteries of his plan of salvation. Therefore, that rebuke, however harsh, did not discourage him, for he was certain that Jesus only wanted what was best for him and was sharing his divine wisdom with him. At the same time, Christ knew perfectly well to whom he was speaking. His strong words suggest that He had great trust in Peter and knew he would benefit from them without feeling hurt.
“You cannot correct a person without love and charity,”[6] Pope Francis said in a homily. Fraternal correction needs a context – like the one created between Jesus and Peter – in which closeness, sincere interest, and genuine concern for the other person are evident. It also requires knowing that brother or sister very well. Thus, more than a “starting point” for a friendship, it is another stage on the path of fraternity, allowing us to travel many miles together. We can ask the Virgin Mary to help us watch over those alongside us and welcome them with her same look of understanding.
[1] Msgr. Fernando Ocáriz, Pastoral Letter, 1 November 1 2019, no. 5.
[2] Saint Josemaría, The Way, no. 463.
[3] Saint Josemaría, The Forge, no. 958.
[4] Benedict XVI, Message for Lent 2012, no. 1.
[5] Msgr. Fernando Ocáriz, Pastoral Letter, 16 February 2023, no. 4.
[6] Francis, Homily, 12 September 2014.