Once in my college days, a friend and I were talking about our plans for the future. He knew that I was a numerary member of Opus Dei, and he asked me, “Are you sure you want to go through life without a marriage and a family? I see you are happy now, but how will it be in the future? How beautiful it is to give your love to a woman and start a family together.” I appreciated the sincere question and the care behind it. It reminded me of Saint Josemaría, when he told his father that he wanted to become a priest. His father was surprised and told him that a life as a priest is a lonely one and that he should think hard about it, but that he would respect his choice.
I don't remember what I said to that friend at that time. But in this article, I would like to share why a person would decide to give up something as beautiful and sacred as marriage to follow Christ in a life of apostolic celibacy.
All Christians are called to love Christ above anything else. Every love on earth should lead us to love Him. That is precisely why the Lord asks some people to make their lives entirely about the Love on which all loves on earth should be focused. By fully grounding their lives in the Love of God, they can serve their brothers and sisters in a special way and be a torch that lights the path that leads towards holiness. Benedict XVI puts it beautifully: "The true foundation of celibacy (...) must mean letting oneself be consumed by passion for God and subsequently, thanks to a more intimate way of being with Him, to serve men and women, too."1
Celibacy is not just a personal decision, but a grace that God gives to whomever He wills: We love, because He first loved us.2 He takes the initiative by calling you by your name and inviting you to a special intimacy that can only be achieved by giving all desires and all intimacy exclusively to Him. In the same way as the beloved disciple during the Last Supper, the celibate person is invited to lean on Jesus’ breast to feel the beatings of his Heart.3
The celibate vocation is apostolic by nature. To the extent that a person grows in this special intimacy with Christ, he becomes a living witness of the Love that leaves no one indifferent. This is what a student experienced when he first met Pedro Ballester (1996-2018), who was a numerary member of Opus Dei and died very young of cancer. After talking with Pedro, he told another friend, “I met a Christian with fire in his soul.”4 That fire the student experienced is the fruit of the relationship Pedro had with Jesus. Pedro was a living testimony of letting oneself be consumed by passion for God and to serve other people too. Even when he suffered intensely from the pains caused by the cancer, he remained constantly focused on the people around him. He wanted to serve. He wanted to bring as many people closer to God as possible. Family, friends, nurses and doctors… Everyone was touched by the love Pedro showed for them. He gave himself completely to others, as his personal notes also show: “It's no longer just about going to heaven, it's about taking many to heaven. That requires much more.”5 Pedro’s testimony shows that the celibate grace bestows the ability to enlarge the heart and beat in time with Christ’s. It bestows the ability to cultivate a special love for all people.
The friend I told you about worried whether I would remain happy by serving God in a celibate vocation all my life. As in all relationships, joyful perseverance in a celibate life is not a given. It can happen as with the Church of Ephesus, which received the following reproach from God: You have lost the love you had at first.6 When that happens, the heart shrinks, it goes empty and it looks for comfort and compensation. Ultimately, it leads to mediocrity and sadness.
I think the last point of the book The Way by Saint Josemaría is particularly relevant to people with a celibate vocation: And what is the secret of perseverance? Love. Fall in Love, and you will not leave Him.7 Without this intimate love of Christ, celibacy doesn’t make sense. But I can tell you, when your heart beats in time with Christ’s, there is no love on earth that can make you more happy and joyful: Surely God's Love is worth any love!8
1 Pope Benedict XVI, Address to the members of the Roman curia (22.12.06).
2 First Letter of St. John: 4:19.
3 Gospel according to St. John: 21:20.
4 Jorge Boronat, I've Never Been Happier: Pedro Ballester (2023), chapter 9.
5 Jorge Boronat, I've Never Been Happier, chapter 8.
6 Book of Revelation: 2:4.
7 St. Josemaría, The Way, no. 999.
8 St. Josemaría, The Way, no. 171.
